I HATE this point in the semester.
I am totally screwed on one of the 25-page papers I have to write, partly screwed on a second, and actually feeling moderately good about the third, which means my teacher will probably hate it of course. I just got my first-ever self-esteem ruining rejection to a conference that is not CCCC (the big conference in my field, very hard to get into--I get rejected regularly for that). And of course my abstract is due for next year's CCCC in, oh, six days, and I have vowed that if I don't get in this year I'm going to leave rhet comp to become a bus driver. But how am I supposed to research for it when I'm going to fail my systemic functional grammar class unless I can figure out what the rhetoric of natural disasters is YESTERDAY?
I am miserable. I have stuff, stuff, stuff do to up the wazoo. But the fact that I am feeling ANY stress of course means I'm luring around on the internet while I should be writing, reading, frantically trying to catch up on the research I should have been doing for weeks but was too busy trying to get. through. my. daily. baby-screaming. book-reading. earth-quaking. overloaded busy-as-hell insane pit of a life.
DAMMIT.
I just want to be done. Our yard looks like crap, our house is messy, I'm stressy, and pissy...it's just all bad. And of course only one of us can do something at any given point since we have had the good fortune to give birth to She Who Hates Naps and Will Holler if You Divert Even 1% of Your Attention for one Single Second, aka Scarlett, so Mario can't exactly work on any above crappy, messy, stressy or pissy problems without risking his eardrums (baby screams, and then my screams when the baby screams). In short, I'm sitting in a very dirty stewpot and I am not a happy chicken.
Okay, enough with the bad metaphors. Back to work. This is meant to be an apology for not being here and being boring and complainy when I am here. This will last...hmmm...eleven more days. Eleven days and nights of sheer and unrelenting torture until my last paper is due.
Unless I implode sooner.
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5 comments:
Hang in there. 11 more days, you can do it!!! maybe someone will get you a maid service for mothers day so you dont have to clean :)
Ugh, there must be an infinite amount of stress in the universe, and there's too much of it going around right now!
You are amazing for handling so much! It may not feel like it, but all of that hard work (in every area of your life!) will pay off. You'll have your PhD and a beautiful sleeping daughter and a drink in your hand and life will be good.
We're only given what we can handle, I really believe that.
You can do it!!!!! You're on the home stretch now - don't implode!
Empathy is pouring from me in waves here. I'm snappier than a crustacean and I can't concentrate on my papers during Ali's tantrums or during her naps. I'm sure that my stress is starting to stress her out too. Things are not fun here. HOWEVER, we'll all get through this, learn to take on less (haha...sure) and earn our degrees with a bit of sanity to spare. You've done so much in this last year that you might be able to take it a bit easier in the coming year. And, maybe, Squidge will take it easy on you in the coming year.
Woman, I don't know how you do it all. But you do it. You will do it. Good luck on everything! Soon you will be able to breathe easier.
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