1600 Miles Later...

I'm going to share something gross with you. Come on now, I know you can handle it! Are you ready? Okay, here goes: I gotta tell you that when I see a rack of porn magazines, bearing titles such as "Asian Invasion" and "Pussy Parade," next to a soda fountain or a rack of sun chips and snack cakes, all I can think of is splooge. Splooge in the Ho-ho's, splooge in the Snowballs, splooge in my Diet Coke. And it really makes me lose my appetite.

Why, you may ask, were you in a place that sells such fine publications? Well, let me correct you: I was not in "a place" but actually SEVERAL places that sold them; and as to why, the answer is that sometimes you don't have much choice when you are trekking the 800 miles of highways and interstates between Reno, Nevada and Bozeman, Montana. Those are some stretches of road that cater heavily to the trucker population, as you may have guessed; and sometimes, especially when you are traveling with a baby who tends to poop at the most inopportune moments, you just can't hold out for a nice, clean, porn-free Chevron. You just have to pull over at the nearest combination truck stop/casino and try to overcome your reservations about splooge contamination--reservations that become especially plaguing when you are in Nevada and there is a mysterious series of numbered rooms at the back.

But enough about our fine state's penchant for illicit entertainment, and more about my own naughty activities. On this trip, I walked on the wild side and got caught. Yep, you guessed it--I got a SPEEDING TICKET. A rather hefty speeding ticket, as the cop caught me going 92 in a 70!! In my defense, we had just left a 75, and I had just passed a very old couple driving way too slowly and very erratically. I really hate passing on two-lane highways and our Rav-4 has a V6 engine, so I usally pass fast and hightail it back to my own lane. Unfortunately, the cop caught me on the tail end of my hightail, not slowing down fast enough. That was on highway 93, which goes from Wells NV to Twin Falls ID, and which I have labeled "The Bloody Road," in part in honor of the bloody ticket and in part from all the literal blood. 100 miles of road red from dead deer is about the creepiest thing I've ever seen. Driving it at night, which we did on the way back, was especially horrifying. Once I turned on my brights RIGHT before I came upon two deer in the road, allowing me to slow down in time; another time, we came upon a very fresh accident being partaken of by coyotes, also in the road. YUCK. Let's just say I was THRILLED to reach the interstate again!

Apart from the speeding ticket, and the fact that 1600 miles is an EFF of a long way to drive, we had a great trip. We enjoyed some beautiful scenery, especially on the border of Wyoming and Montana as we skirted Yellowstone. Scarlett, although she had some melty moments (translate: melting-down moments) was overall a VERY good girl, a huge change from her early days of being an absolute nightmare in the car. I loved Bozeman and had an all-around great time at the conference--I got a lot out of the presentations I attended, my own work was well received, and rhetoric rock stars cooed over Scarlett. I also enjoyed stopping at Smitty's Pancake House in Idaho Falls, which was started by my great uncle and is still owned and run by my second cousins, even though none of the family was on hand to visit with. All in all, it was a very enjoyable mini-vacation. But next time I get the brilliant idea to drive 1600 miles over the course of four days, just whack me upside the head, okay? Or better yet, drop me the one-word reminder sure to jog me back into a more logical frame of mind: Splooge.