I hate MONEY these days. It is the most frustrating thing in the world! For two and something years I have worked full time and gone to graduate school full time. This has been stressful and insane and exhausting, and I'm not really sure how I survived most of it. However, the one thing we never really had to worry about was the big M...money. We were able to save some while spending freely--not that we are extravagant by any means, but groceries, gifts, unexpected costs, and the occasional trip were never a big deal.
This is no longer the case, and I HATE it! Now that we have Miss High-Maitenance Baby aka Scarlett, and because I really need to focus on school if I want to be a rock star (which I do), and also because I am not actually supposed to have a second job with school, and because I would probably DIE if I tried to put any more on plate, we now have to rely solely on my husband's income and my meager Teaching Assistant pay. My VERY meager teaching assistant pay. (Since you could look this up for yourself on UNR's website, I feel free to reveal that it's only $14,000 a year! And we are FORBIDDEN to have other forms of income!!)
In my head, I had gone over and over our budget before I actually left my job, and felt certain that we could get by, even if we weren't saving anything. However, I didn't make any real attempt to monitor our spending until just recently, and now I find that, sadly, I was delusional. What I simply had no conception of was how much everything effing costs! How much we spend on gas! And groceries! And these damned incidentals that keep coming out of nowhere. We just got our registration paperwork for the Rav-4 we bought last year...$322 dollars! WHY?? We are already so in the hole just trying to meet our regular monthly obligations without crap like this coming up every five seconds!
I HATE thinking about money like this. I would so rather be busy than poor. I hate watching every penny only to realize that we are having to take out of our savings every month anyway--and knowing that I still have at LEAST three years left in my program, being forbidden to make enough to get by! I dread the idea of student loans and more debt. I keep going back and forth between trying to reassure myself that we have enough savings to make it, just barely, until I graduate, and absolutely panicking because I really think some savings in necessary in this world--too many unexpected things happen all the time to live paycheck to paycheck.
Why can't we just get rid of money and institute a nice system of trades. Like, I would be happy to make the people at the DMV some delicious raspberry cheesecake bars, or write them a silly rhyming poem, or utilize one of my many other skills in order to register the Rav. Why do they need $322 dollars, just to click a RENEW button in their system! They don't know it, but they would much rather have the cheesecake bars.
Dammit.
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4 comments:
We worry about money too, especially re: what we're going to do when the kidlets come along... It's pretty scary when you think about it, but most people seem to scrape by somehow. I know I'm like you though, and I'd worry incessantly about it. I feel your pain. I'd be right pissed off about the meager TA pay and prohibition on alternate employment. Soooooooooo whatever.
Oh I would much rather have the rasberry cheesecake bar too!
Ay-yi-yi. I know exactly how you feel (believe me). Not having a full-time job that pays like one makes a huge difference. Sometimes I look at our situation and I think, "This will make me stronger. It's good to have to struggle." Sometimes (which is most of the time), I'm just frustrated. I kind of hate advice, so do with this what you will, but Costco was a huge help to us. We bought diapers, wipes, formula (Ali drank/ate formula and breastmilk right from the beginning because she wasn't getting enough just from me) and baby body-wash at Costco.
By the way, I love reading your blog...thanks for pointing me to it.
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